Taking the show on the road

Our Ambassador is very passionate about getting out of Algiers. He wants to make it clear that we are the U.S. Embassy to ALGERIA, not just to Algiers. He set a goal of getting to all the Wilayas (the provinces of Algeria) before the end of his tenure. And he’s getting pretty close. Last week, he went out to the eastern part of Algeria on a mammoth, 4-day, 5-town trip. I had the opportunity to go with him.

We went to Tebessa, Constantine, Mila, Jijel, and Souk Ahras, if anyone is curious and wants to do some google mapping.  Those towns are not close to one another, and most of them don’t have airports and/or hotels, which meant a lot of time in the car.  I was what we call the “control officer” for the trip, which means I was essentially the event planner and logistical point person for the whole thing. Overall, the trip ended up going quite well, and the Ambassador is a very smart man and good to travel with. And I didn’t do anything to get myself fired, killed, or accidentally left in the middle of nowhere, so I’m calling it a win.  It was not a perfect trip, however. Here are some things I learned for next time.

1. When traveling in Algeria for 4 days and 3 nights, do not forget your toothbrush. You will not be able to run out to the corner drugstore and the hotel will not have them at the front desk.

2. If you DO forget your toothbrush on a 4-day, 3-night Algerian adventure, brushing your teeth with your finger and fingernails using the toothpaste that you DID manage to remember is not a great option, but it will prevent fur from growing on your teeth.

3. Do not forget lotion, especially in winter. Your skin will be dry, and no, the hotel will not have any.

4. Sticking to the schedule will not happen. The events may all happen, but you will be late.  A lot.  It will behoove you to get over your general irritation with lateness as soon as possible.

5. Algerian politicians are like politicians anywhere else. They like to talk.  A lot. This is one of the main reasons for number 4.

6. In small town Algeria, the U.S. Ambassador is a celebrity/something new and interesting to stare at. In general, people will be excited to see him. You will be glad it is someone else’s job to keep the Ambassador safe. Also, everyone will want to see the Ambassador and take photos with him/of him. This is another reason for number 4.

7. Arabic is useful when traveling with an ambassador who has spent most of his career in the Middle East and speaks amazing Arabic. If you don’t speak it, you will not understand anything that happens at the meetings with government officials.

8. The local staff member who accompanies you on the trip (and helps set up all the meetings) is invaluable. See number 7.

9. The local politicians will offer to feed the Ambassador. When you accept their lunch offers, be prepared for as many as 7 courses, some of them involving mystery meat. Making lively conversation with the other French speaker at the table helps distract from the fact that there is no way you will ever be able to make a dent in the colossal amount of food you are very kindly being served. These lunches also contribute to number 4.

10. Shopping is a bfd. All the local crafts people want to see/talk to/touch/take pictures with the ambassador. They will also sometimes refuse to accept money from the ambassador when he wants to purchase something. He is legally not allowed to accept personal gifts like that. Diplomacy ensues. The Algerian vendor reluctantly accepts payment.

11. A pad and pen is essential. Even during meals. Especially during meals. Note-taking is a very large percentage of your job.

12. A camera is also essential. There will be cute children and pretty gifts presented to the ambassador that you will have to capture.

13. Also always have on hand a gift for your hosts that the ambassador can present to them. These gifts will be heavy, hardback books. Suck it up.

14. Additionally, you will need to have a hand free to take the gifts the ambassador receives from his hosts. These range from books to pottery to flowers to framed pictures.

15. It is helpful if you can grow another arm. Two more would be better.

16. Even when you think you’ve scheduled too much time for a meeting, you are wrong. You will always be running late.

17. You will encounter a variety of terrains during your trip. For instance, you may be expected to trot around on cobblestone ramps for 30 minutes in your heels while a nice Algerian lady expresses continual and extreme concern that you will face plant into the aforementioned cobblestones. You will not face plant. You have trained for this moment with years of high heel wearing.

18. No matter how insanely stressful it is to plan and execute a 4-day, 5-town ambassadorial trip in remote Algerian locales, this is the coolest job ever. You get to plan and execute 4-day, 5-town ambassadorial trips in remote Algerian locales!

19. When 4-day, 5-town ambassadorial trips to remote Algerian locales are over, you are confident you’ve earned those cocktails you’re drinking.

20. When you finally get to brush your teeth, it feels AMAZING.